Personal Story

I placed an order for an essay with a personal story but I need a rewrite because I got a bad grade on it. These are the notes from the professorPerhaps the story should be about an experience. Some of the examples provided mention a dog passing or a main event but it has to be a story. I give freedom about the story it doesnt have to be about meHi Karen, Work on the core of your story. Right now, you don’t have one. You start a story with the first paragraph and then switch to El Salvador. Then you mention your friend Emerald. Then you go back to El Salvador and then back to your friendship with Emerald.You need a real story with a beginning, middle, and end. Perhaps you can write about a specific incident in El Salvador in which you experienced the gunshots and violence. Or maybe a specific story about your friendship with Emerald.So think about which way you want to develop a story. Paint pictures with your words. Describe scenes and characters and use the techniques you’ve studied in “Telling True Stories.”You have multiple writing errors, and you need to work on both the structure of your sentences, organization, flow, and mechanics, such as grammar and punctuation. With hard revision and editing, you can do it. If you need special assistance, use the CSULB Writing Center tooSome examples of errors –is always a routine, school, work, and the cycle keeps repeating; I work in the evenings to cater to my upkeep and tuition fee. I am not complaining, but it is tiresome. Sometimes school work is too much, and the café gets so busy. “Wait, it is already morning?” I murmur to myself while yawning. I drag my body lazily to the bathroom and takes a warm shower. I hurriedly get prepared because I do not want to get late for class and probably…=is always a routine — school, work –, and the cycle keeps repeating. I work in the evenings to afford my tuition. I am not complaining, but it is tiresome. Sometimes school work is too much, and the café gets so busy. “Wait, it is already morning?” I murmur to myself while yawning. I drag my body lazily to the bathroom and takes (take) a warm shower. I hurriedly get prepared because I do not want to get (be late, not get late) late for class and probably…How old when you came to California? We need that in your story.opportunities were plenty (not in plenty)where I saved for college tuition (no fee)is my friend Emerald who we share classes,” Heygirl, are you not going to school?” She shouts at the other end,” I am on my way, I reply.” Today we are carpooling because my car had a puncture like a week ago and it is still in the garage. I did not bother togo for it because I have been busy with school and work.=is my friend Emerald who goes to CSULB too. “Hey girl, are you not going to school?” she shouts at the other end. “I am on my way,” I reply. Today we are carpooling because my car had a puncture like a week ago and it is still in the garage. I did not bother togo for it because I have been busy with school and work. (Are your problems with your car important to keep in your story? I can’t see why. Omit them. I’d end the sentence after “carpooling.” You can write less than 1,000 words. That will be OK.how much time has moved/has passed, not movedWhat teams?late morning, not late morningsThe third sentence in the fourth paragraph is awkward and confusing. It needs to be rewritten.She has been my closest friend whom we happened to cross paths when working at the café, I was working as a barista; she was one of the employees in that café where she worked during the weekends and after classes.=Emerald, my closest friend, met while working together at the cafe. (If something doesn’t contribute to the core of your story, delete it. Emerald’s work schedule isn’t relevant as your piece is written now.So work on a core story, Karen, and edit and revise your writing well to eliminate those writing errors.

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